Monday, April 5, 2010
Today i got into a fight with mie mother son just bcuz he wanted me to shower when i came back then i say lemme watch finish mie manga 1st lar. den he kip ranting and ranting at me den i still diam diam. He got so despo as to pull out the monitor screen plug to stop me frm watching den i say nvm lor i sty at tis seat until 9.30pm as simple as tat den he start to kik the chair i was sitting in. i still diam diam. he went as far as to go and slap me and say i guai lan i was lyk WTH AND WTF MAN HE DUN EVEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO SLAP MY FACE MAN DEN I DIAM DIAM IS BCUZ I KNEW IF I QUARRELED WTH HIM WE WOULD GET INTO A FIGHT. DAMN IT LOR THINK HE SMALL SEC ONE CAN BE GANGSTER IZIT? LIMBEH HERE LIMBEH THER OI! YOU NOT MIE FATHER LAR DEN HE OSO WAN GUAI LAN! IS HE 1ST GUAI LAN DE LOR DEN HE SAY I GUAI LAN. HE IS NOTHING BUT A USELESS AND WORTHLESS LITTLE CREEP. but i really dun wan to fight him. den mie mother was lyk sitting beside us wher we are fighting, and she wun do anything to stop the fight, i really got scared i got so scared bcuz mie father was just at there shouting his name and never do anything. THEY THEMSELVES AS A PARENT DUN EVEN GIMME A SENSE OF SECURITY! I REALLY FELT VERY HOPELESS then mie father called my name i immediately rushed to him. BUT HE STILL DID NOTHING! i felt really scared really very scared. den when my father got out of the room only i was inside, i started calling mie fellow batchmates. i managed to confide in wanrou as usual.
den i think mayb i felt abit better? but i didnt... My heart is lyk a message in a bottle wandering around the sea... OHYA mie useless parents only came to console me aft the fight has been done aft the scar has been made in mie heart i was lyk wads the use man..zzzz totally useless wads the point of coming to console me when im alr frightened and scared by alot of things? tat tym i was really really really vry frightened and i oso dunno why i juz noe tat im scared but i dunno wad?!?!?!
its as though no matter i scream for hlp they cant do anything to stop it. and tats it i really got a trauma or i tink i suffering frm depression nw? its so so scary i oso didnt knew wad was scary...some one help me plz...
den i suddenly wondered, mayb if i had a stead i wud run to his hse immediately? asking for help? budden i think agn mayb not cuz they still immature... i really wan to have a sense of security but i cant have that feeling... afterall im a girl... mayb the reason why i got more abusive is bcuz tat i wanted tat security so much tat i even started hitting others sometym? i really dunno wad have happen to me. i really sometimes wished tat i wasnt born into tis world at all...
yea im a total jinx to everyone in this life...
i dun wan to go anywhere...
i scared i may just burst at the sec 1s tmr when we are goin to have a talk wif them... i hope i can control myself... Serene oh serene... cuz im not in a mood to talk to anyone... and when i cried, i kip telling myself tat no one will care but i just cant to stop.. wtf has happened to me? i guess i cant really understand myself.
its as though im a total maze for ppl to understand me.. i wear diff masks everywhere
until i got so confused. HU IS THE REAL ME?
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10:13 AM
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